Chastisement

Why does it always hurt us parents more when we scold or punish our children?

This is no rare occurrence I tell you... whenever me and my daughter fight over who's boss (and I end up reminding her that I'm her dad and I'm the one who makes up the rules) I always feel helpless when she starts to cry. It's kinda ego-ripping when you realize that the person you are battling with is a mere child and yet you feel like you're the one at a total disadvantage since you love the person so much... up to the point wherein you feel that you 'baby' is taking advantage of the fact that whatever happens, you'd always pick 'em up, hug 'em, and say "I'm sorry for yelling at you... etc.". Hmmm... Well, I really don't know about you guys, but hell I'm always on the losing end... just one smile after a rainstorm of tears would always make me forget why we had a row in the first place. Er, come to think of it, why do us parents always feel better when we see that our child is not afraid to voice out their rights? :D

Our Masks

Behind the passive façade of every man who has embraced the concept of fatherhood would set-up walls of solid concrete around him and being the corner stone of the family, the father’s image is that of an impenetrable wall; the epitome of invincibility and one that children would look up to… hence the childish argument: “…My dad can kick your dad’s -*-…”

‘Dad’, a three letter word that can ease away the fears, chase the monsters into the deepest corners of the closet and execute them with extreme prejudice; the eradicator of phantoms and bad dreams; the ultimate super hero.

But behind every father’s veneer lies a fear all too real; fear not for himself but for the future of his children. The paradox of the whole persona is that in our strength lies our weakness. I myself have been subject to the tests of patience. The times when you must ‘steel’ yourself and grit your teeth when dealing with two year-olds, such as myself… the notion of driving them away later on if you commit the simple mistake of becoming the ultimate antagonist with a few “no’s” too often… but hey when do we say no and to what do we say yes to? I mean, really, there are times when children must be reprimanded, but to what extent must we clench our fists and hold back the angry futility that a child (or child-like pre-adolescent) would likely not comprehend? Now, here lies the test of real patience. This is the part where I’d ask my wife to step-in and do the talking while I go and walk-off some steam. Fathers are, according to a Chinese friend of mine, like or should be like bamboo; “bend unto the unpredictable force of the wind and breaking in half would be up to the limits of one’s faith.”

Behind these stern eyes and flaccid faces hides a soft-shelled romantic.

Why blog?

Whew! just got back online and I'm already scratching my brain for words on how to explore the issues of being a dad and keeping it interesting enough to read.

A quick background would be this: I have two kids, a daughter and a son, my wife (the ever doting, stern, lovable type) a PC, and an internet connection.

Seriously... Parenting, especially for dads who are in the mind set of being the one to forage for food, can prove to be difficult... at first. Having to stay all day at home doing the chores you would never normally do (ie: washing the dishes, feeding the kids, sterilizing the bottles and a myriad of other repetitive chores), racking your brains as to what your child is wailing about, getting new reading glasses from over-staring at the monitor of your desktop pc, would prove to be a challenge for newbies. Not entirely saying I'm an expert already, but with three years of practice, either you get the hang of it or you are seriously in denial. Right? If women can do it so can we! Errr... really(uhhh... I don't mean to be chauvinistic in this sense... just an encouragement to the rest of the group). And this is one of the main reasons why I'm writing (aside from the one I stated from the previous post) to air out my side of the story in being a parent.

Talk about disclaimers! Well, having learned from the past about "not treading carefully on where you should tread REALLY carefully", I could at least give the guys some advice: 'Stroke the cat well, and the cat shall purr'. That's it for the brief intro. The least you could've learned from this is that I write what's on my mind and I really am trying to be careful. (Keeps my hide intact mind you).

My First Post

If I ask you to reference the word 'Parenting Kids' what would come to mind?

I asked several of my closest friends this and most of them answered the same thing: "My wife looking after them...",
and the rest who didn't give an answer similar to the one above, said: "Our nanny looking after our kids whilst we work our asses off...".

Since this is my first post I will be giving a 2-part post on this (a disclaimer that this is gonna be long) topic.

The first part would be an overview on the cultural norms on parenting in the Philippine society, and the 'why the heck am I writing this?'. The second part would be an introduction to my life and my family.

THE NORMS

In the Philippines, no matter how poor the family is, the main bread winner would still have to be the father. The mother would tend to the basic needs of the children while the father tries to break his neck to look for something to bring home for dinner. More often than not, us fathers are endowed with the natural responsibility to provide for the family, by any means necessary. Other instances require both parents to look for ways so that a family can have something to eat and something to pay the sitter by the end of the fifteen days. Some of my peers (who are fathers themselves) would raise hell with their wives when faced with the option of being the one to take care of the kids while she goes into the world and work for the family. I too was once like this. The whole 'Alpha Male' ego kicking-in... "Us guys were meant to toil!", "We were naturally equipped with the strength to carry the weight of responsibilities upon our shoulders...", and other reasons that denote the same thing. DISCLAIMER: This does not apply to ALL the fathers out there.

WHY THE HECK AM I WRITING THIS?

Well, it was difficult on my part at first. With the Alpha Male hormones running through my veins, I was frantic about being left alone with my first child (way back in 2004). Having no training, no instinct on what to do when things go this way and that, I had to figure them out one by one (ok, I had help from my wife) and soon enough I grew comfortable with the routines around the house. I just thought it would be a great idea to share some of these experiences with the rest of the dads out there who, in one way or another, can relate to this. Generally, this whole blogging thing is my release... from small victories over the challenges of being a parent down to the pent-up frustrations of trial and error method of taking charge at home.

I hope to hear from dads (and moms) about their own experiences and how they coped with the whole ordeal.

-CJ-